Arranged marriages in the United States

Posted by Sarah Cervone on October 15, 2008 
Filed Under In the news

NPR: Arranged Marriage: Trapped Between Two CulturesIn lecture on Monday, Dr. Gravlee raised the question of whether romantic love is perceived as necessary for marriage cross-culturally. He showed data from a survey of college students in 11 countries, which showed large cultural differences on the matter. In Japan, only two percent of students reported that they would marry someone who had all the qualities they were looking for, even if they weren’t in love. In Pakistan, half of all students said they would marry someone under those circumstances.

Yesterday National Public Radio picked up on this theme in “Arranged Marriage: Trapped Between Two Cultures,” the first story in a three-part series. The report explores the generational and cross-cultural conflicts many young Muslims experience in the United States over love and marriage. “For many families like Sandhu’s,” Jamie Tarabay reports, “a marriage arranged by the parents is the best way they know to guarantee a solid future for their child.”

Have you or someone you know experienced the situation NPR describes? Whether you have or not, can you relate to the struggles of young Muslims in America over love and marriage? How does this story help you become aware of the things you take for granted about love and marriage in your life?

Comments

5 Responses to “Arranged marriages in the United States”

  1. Sam on October 15th, 2008 2:59 pm

    I think the subject of arranged marriage is coming up more and more as Westerners embrace Eastern thought. LATimes wrote a story on the subject and
    HBO is even planning a TV show on the concept:

    http://www.trendhunter.com/trends/hbo-now-casting-volunteers-for-upcoming-reality-tv-show-arranged-marriage

    website for the TV show: http://www.arrangedmarriagetv.com

  2. Kristin Drew on October 16th, 2008 2:19 am

    I have a Korean mother. Her little sister was forced into an arranged marriage. Apparently, my grandfather did approve of my aunt’s college boyfriend because he still needed to fulfill the military requirements in Korea. Furthermore, he did not yet finish college.

    Therefore, he found a top-achieving medical student and arranged my aunt’s marriage with him. He already did the mandatory military requirements and had a very bright medical future in pediatrics. My mom told me that the marriage at first was very bumpy and rocky because my aunt did not love him. However, he loved my aunt very much and even converted from Buddhism to Christianity for her. He bought her lavish presents and treated her very well.

    Over time, they fell in love. They have two children and are still old farts up in New York.

    My mom was the only woman in her family who was not in an arranged marriage. After my grandfather passed away, she came to the US for residency training, met my father (a fellow resident), fell in love with him, and married him. I am the hybrid half Korean, quarter Irish, and quarter Scottish person in the family.

    Arranged marriages are out there. While my family history incorporates arranged marriages, I could never tolerate it for myself. I want to control my own destiny and love who I know would complement my life. I need to decide for myself as my own individual being.

  3. Sana on October 16th, 2008 9:38 pm

    As a Pakistani girl living overseas, I find that the issue of arranged marriages is slightly blown out of proportion. Yes, they do exist but they are often portrayed as forced marriages, where girls are pressured into marrying someone they don’t like.

    Growing up, I always assumed my marriage would be arranged because that’s just what the social norm is - your parents find someone they think you’ll like who seems to have good prospects. You spend a little bit of time together and see if you suit each other, and then things are worked out between families. The idea is that love can always come later.

    However, modern Asian parents are catching on to Western trends - my parents wouldn’t mind if I introduced a guy I liked to them and then asked for their permission to get married. Then again, that might just be my family!

    Comparing divorce rates between countries where marriages are arranged as opposed to love-based is fascinating as it makes me wonder whether falling in love before or after marriage has an affect on the longevity of it.

  4. Tiffany on October 17th, 2008 1:30 pm

    As we have learned in class, the “social norm” varies from culture to culture. This may be the reason as to why the opinions above have difficulty imagining the circumstances of an arranged marriage.

    Personally, I do not mind it if my parents introduced a prospect who was interested in me.

    However, I just wanted to reply to Sana’s last comment about comparing divorce rates in countries where marriages are arranged opposed to love-based.

    Perhaps the reason why divorce rates in countries where people make their own decision-making for marriages allows them to also freely make their own choice in ending it.

    If you agree that arranged marriage is generally more traditional than modern, than traditionally it is not customary to divorce.

    I would imagine that an arranged marriages strive to make a relationship work so that if a problem arises, they would do their best (successfully or unsuccessfully) to keep the marriage together at all cost (sometimes happiness, not always). Therefore, due to tradition the marriage does not end whether the couple is happy or not happy.

    Whereas in non-arranged marriages, should they fail, they are more free to end the marriage since they were also more free in creating it in the first place.

    Whether one is better than the other is not a debate. To me, it is simply up to one’s tradition or will to be married– arranged or non-arranged.

  5. Nate on October 19th, 2008 5:20 pm

    I do not see the big deal about arranged marriages in America. Its not like you can’t get a divorce if it doesn’t work out.

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